Parenting Woe: Public Mom Meltdown

Last night was an embarrassing parenting night for me.

I have identified in myself three triggers: 1) feeling watched and judged by onlookers; 2) disrespect; 3) entitlement. Last night – my three triggers collided for a super embarrassing parental tantrum.

My kids are a year and three days apart. They are a lot alike and at the same time very different, but the main thing is: they are in constant competition. Constant! All day long it’s arguing and bantering and antagonizing. But I can take that for longer than I can tolerate them being flat-out rude.

Last night we attended a formal family dinner that my cousin was hosting on the grounds of a retreat center where he is living. The space is beautiful and peaceful and calm.

We walk in, and both my kids start playing the “I’m not going to talk to anyone – I’m gonna run away from you and hide under tables containing breakable items” game.

Now, mind you, my kids are both very outgoing. My family is accustomed to us arriving and immediately doing a rowdy round of hugs and giggles. My uncle hosts monthly formal dinners, and thanks to the regularity of these formal affairs, my young and rambunctious boys have grown accustomed to knowing the basics of how to greet people and how to act at the dinner table. They truly look forward to these dinners, and actually get excited to dress differently than the norm in preparation.

But last night’s dinner was at a new venue, and they were off their “formal dinner” routine.

On my fifteenth attempt to get my four-year-old to say hello and stop smacking people (read: adults deserving respect) in the legs and then running away and hiding from everyone, I lost it.

When I say I lost it, I mean I lost it.

I took him by the hand and led him into the 90 degree, super humid outside. “Jeremiah, if you won’t behave, we will leave.” Dumb, because I know we won’t leave; and dumb because he probably wouldn’t have cared if we did. I attempted wrestling him into his car seat while he screamed bloody murder; I attempted turning him over to give him a swat on the rear; three times I  attempted bringing him back inside to say hello politely (resulting in me having to carry my then tantruming four-year-old back outside); I attempted making him sit by a tree to “think about his behavior.” I yelled, I screamed, and I was so hot and sweaty I couldn’t think straight. And in the midst of this, one of my more glorious parenting moments, I saw a sign on the building 3 feet away from us: “Silent retreat in session.”

Are you kidding me?!

Instantly I envisioned silent retreatants peeking out their window at us; and while I should have been hoping they were praying for us, the thought of patronizing prayer sent me further over the edge.

Thankfully my husband intuited my craze and traded places with me. He handled the tantruming 4-year-old, my aunt took the 3-year old, and I sat at a table alone and sobbed. I mean sob; like a heaving, audible, snotty sob. My cousins should win academy awards for their ability to act like they didn’t see a thing. I eventually calmed my grown ass down, vented to my cousin who was nursing her newborn, accepted an apologetic hug from my then calm 4-year-old, swallowed what was left of my very bruised mom-pride and joined the gathering.

Amazingly, dinner ended up going okay.

But what did come out of this experience was the realization that I need to get it together! It is likely most kids have acted similarly, and while I’d argue that most moms have too, I’ll be the first to say that I have never witnessed a mom breaking down in public as I did.

So today I ventured to the library to pick up 1-2-3 Magic. This book has come highly recommended by several trusted people in my life, as a book that provides easy to implement strategies for getting kids to listen. And as it seems life has become a series of power struggles between me and the kiddos, it feels like a good time to give it a go. I’ll check back in with you to review progress, but in the meantime – any other mamas have public melt downs like this? Please – someone help me feel a little better about myself 😉